Scattered

Bits and Pieces

are all I can string together

Not paragraphs

but fragments

that dance along

in my thoughts

Teasing

and

Hiding

despite my feverish

searching.

Attempt 3

Loss.
It wraps around my heart
and around my lungs.

I can barely breathe
as I try to live life.

How it must have hurt him
to take those few last breaths

To have so many faces stare at him
and gawk as he lay there

wasting away.

Stay strong.
I have to to stay strong
because falling apart
won't bring him back.

I wish my tears would turn back time.

I wish I had cherished the time
I had with him.

Instead I saw him as the stop-guard
that prevented me from living my dreams.

 

Attempt 2

Home.
I'd finally made it home.
It wasn't what I remembered.

I walked into my mom's house
and it smelled like death.

My brother's old room
turned into a deathbed.

There lay the skeleton
who'd fixed my car
and given me exasperated looks
when I'd concocted up some plan
that he'd have to pay for.

He seemed to fold in on himself
when he saw me.

He had waited,
He had held on,

until I'd had my moment on stage;
until he saw me home one last time.

Three days later he was in the hospital.
Two weeks after I graduated he was gone.

Attempt 1

Gone.
Two months and change.
On a white hospital bed-
Laid the skeletal ghost
of the man who had
become my father.

No sobbing, just the edges of tears;
scratching around my eyes.
I said "I'll see you soon"
then bolted before he could say
"I love you."

I wish I had stayed by his side,
I wish I could have braved those wild eyes
that took forever to find my face.

I want to hear him say

"I love you, sweetheart"
One more time.