Carnival Ride

The first one was no good at all-

He was, and is, just a selfish boy bent on his pleasures.

Half of my genes come from him as does the darker side of my personality.

I do not call him father but the name "dad" is an unspeakable word.

Memories of him are worn thin by years away from his lying tongue.

The second one was better than none-

Unfortunely, he was plagued by life's past miseries.

Although I wish he is the one I share my genes with he is not; 

at times he is a stranger.

Rob, is what father is- he encouraged my dreams

and provided a safe haven for my formative years.

He is a man brought down by life's crippling blows.

A skeleton walking in dry, haggard skin.  

Tragedy struck twice and threatens to strike again.

A family divided, as lies are whispered and the truth refuses to be said.

"Oh, it's easy to fix it" those on the outside whisper to me.

"Oh, your life isn't so bad; look, your base needs are met; be happy."

Judging is easy when you are on the outside looking in.

Other figures have entered and exited. 

Brief examples of what life could be like;

except that those figures never stayed.

I was never adopted into those other families-

just an onlooker, wishing for that reality to be mine.

Instead it's a merry-go-round of fathers

An old carnival ride that's over before it started.

Evasion of Wit

Determined to write a beautiful piece.

Ballpoint in hand, I paused for thrice.

Behold, inspired moment took too long

Now, there is only the ghost of a song.

It haunts me each moment I sleep. 

Oh, I cannot seem to flee from it,

 Desperately I search for a way to keep

those dancing, twirling sprites that flit

In a world full of yesteryear's dreams.

I lay down my pen- it is all for naught
 My whimsical thoughts forever caught

In a celestial web of the moon's beams.

In the dancing night's haughty laughter

Alone, as I have forgot what I'm after.

Bed

You hold me softly as I dream;
Always comfort when I worry.
Each day I long to return to you
for then I'll be safe once again.

Blankets and pillows are your friends
as you wait for me to crawl between
the sheets and I drift into another land
I smile as you hold me close.

Window

Black frame with smudged pane.
Holding an ever moving image.
Colors both bright and dull-
that shift as time goes on.

A gatekeeper to the unknown-
I'm always on one side or the other.
Easily smashed if I wanted to escape
Although then you'd be no more.

Dismissal

Time here has lasted long enough;
Lies they tell are so sweet
In one ear and out the other.
"We understand, we care about you..."
they murmur demurely.

I doubt that;
when I fell; when I struggled-
they feigned ignorance
while forcing me
to be another robot.

Pain consumes me &
I am dismissed, cast aside-
Like a worn out toy
who has lost her purpose;
-a defective drone.

What did I expect?
That they'd actually care-
I am dismissing them
as they dismissed my pain;
I don't need them in my life.

(Updated 5/5/2012)

Yester-year

Three, two, one.
That's what I'm waiting for.
The moment when the countdown is over
and I say good-bye to what I've known.

To step away from this point
and look back at what my life once was
with rose colored memories
of better times.

When there wasn't the need to plan
and hope for the best.
When I could be free to dream about
all I might be.

Take the Bull

Should have stayed in the ball park,
You tried to kill two birds with one stone.
You opened mouth and inserted foot.

Killed a good thing.
Pony up and take the bull
by the horns.

Don't forget to hit the ground running
or you'll end up water-logged.
Don't rely on using your trump card-
because Success is 99% perspiration.

formerly Cliches-2 Choices Best Left Alone

Farewell of the Heart

The blind leading the blind-
one, two, three, four.
Head over heels in love-
five, six, seven, eight.

All part of God's plan-
nine, ten, eleven, twelve.
Love is surely blind-
thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen.

You dig yourself a hole-
seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty
Absence makes the heart grow fonder
one, two, three, four

Glass House

It is easy to look in and see what needs to be changed.
It is easy to take a stone and throw it at the wall.

But not when you are the one in the glass house-
watching your life shatter a bit more
 with each stone thrown.

There is no place to hide when your life is in glass,
all one can do is hope that no one is looking.

For glass houses make horrible homes
and yet we all want to live in them;
to live a transparent lifestyle- like the celebrities.

Safety-2

It is not an imagined thing

or a fabled feeling.

It is real- warm and inviting,
 A fire on a cold winter's night.

His laughter infects me

scrubbing away anger.

His ever present smile
 washes away my fears.

Our hands clasp,

his and mine.

My cold heart melts
as his warmth
trickles towards my heart. 

This is a living, breathing truth-

that holds my dreams

in the strong beating of his heart.

Safety

In his arms the world fades;

fears dissipate as I breathe in his scent.

Strong arms around me hold in the happiness

that had once been ripped from me.

The storms of life quiet

while I listen to his laughing;

 with my head on his shoulder

I breathe easier.

His chin atop my hair 

eases the tension in my muscles.

Worry is a half forgotten memory

When his arms encircle me.

Then he is gone.

It is so cold, so very cold-

As the world rushes back 

and slams me to the ground.

Death's Song

A poem for Merciful Darkness


Life only hurts when you're breathing.
The pain will wash away in a moment-
Time is coming to a close;
Soon you will feeling nothing.

Emptiness is bliss
As fear slithers away from it.

For you won't hurt much longer;
Death will solve all of your problems.

So close your eyes and drift in the abyss.
Let my voice take you from here.
You are not alone in your quest-
Death will take away your pain.

The bell tolls for you,
Breathe out one last time.
The pain will disappear,
Once you let go of living.

Dew Drops & Moonlight

Silence in the dead of night-
Except for the echoes of laughter
in the distance.

The trees are bare of their buds.
Dark limbs silhouetted in moonlight.

The wind blows
and cool air bathes my face
as my footsteps slow their pace.

The night is an old friend-

I'd thought I'd lost.

Bellows

A call resounding-
The mountains echo the battle-cry
that loses it's strength as it goes
down the valley.

A bell tolls one note-
Men gather up arms
and report to the call,
For war has come.

Ladies kiss their men good-bye.
Tears drift to the dusty ground.
"Farewell, hurry home!"
A note rings once more.

Family is forgotten on the field.
It is time to kill for freedom,
To be the last one standing-
To rule the lands forgotten.

Epigraphs (originals written by me)

"To believe in something without doubt is the ultimate foolishness."
- Book of Common Philosophy (found in the world of "Rule Breaker")

"We all believe we're worth something, but are we really worth anything?"
- Lila in Merciful Darkness

"To live without hope is to live without life."
- Ancient saying found in the old pueblos near the Great Chasm (A Dark Hope)

"Love the journey to love."
- one friend to another circa. 2008


"To be remembered is to have lived life."
- (I believe this is an original)

"Walk smartly; not softly- for you should not fear the world"
-Trakehn saying


"Fear slithers away as Death comes to solve your problems."
-A saying of The Dead

"Truth often learns to lie."
-Mirasle in A Dark Hope


Silence in the classroom is the moment before a dentist pulls out a tooth.

Only In My Dreams (revised)

You-

as in the proverbial "you"

everyone talks about when they day dream

of their soul-mate.

That feeling I have of-

I met you whilst dreaming.

I dream of you 

but I've never met you.

I know you because of that

lingering sense of you.

I write about you

because I want you to be real.

The-

I can see you with my own two eyes;

I can feel your heartbeat against my cheek

kind of real.

You don't exist though;

because you are the man of my dreams.

My dreams are the only place

where we can be together.

Valentine Revised

Her wise, dark eyes watch me

as I take her scent in.

A creature of dreams-

Running wild and free.

Dream come true-

With a long, black mane and tail.

Love unspoken 

as she falls asleep in cross ties.

Big, bay mare

with a star on her forehead.

A southern belle 

of the horse world.

Her and I
two peas in a pod.

She loves me

as much as 

I love her.

Love Song (revised)

Write me a love song 

and I will be yours

(or will I?)

My heart has its price-

just one little song

(just one?)

Your voice is the tune

for which my heart beats.

(at least, I think it is)

A few words is all you need

to claim me as your beloved.

(do words mean anything?)

My heart has its price-

just one little song

(but not a love song)

 My dead heart

Needs a jump start.

(It needs more than a song.)