Carnival Ride

The first one was no good at all-

He was, and is, just a selfish boy bent on his pleasures.

Half of my genes come from him as does the darker side of my personality.

I do not call him father but the name "dad" is an unspeakable word.

Memories of him are worn thin by years away from his lying tongue.

The second one was better than none-

Unfortunely, he was plagued by life's past miseries.

Although I wish he is the one I share my genes with he is not; 

at times he is a stranger.

Rob, is what father is- he encouraged my dreams

and provided a safe haven for my formative years.

He is a man brought down by life's crippling blows.

A skeleton walking in dry, haggard skin.  

Tragedy struck twice and threatens to strike again.

A family divided, as lies are whispered and the truth refuses to be said.

"Oh, it's easy to fix it" those on the outside whisper to me.

"Oh, your life isn't so bad; look, your base needs are met; be happy."

Judging is easy when you are on the outside looking in.

Other figures have entered and exited. 

Brief examples of what life could be like;

except that those figures never stayed.

I was never adopted into those other families-

just an onlooker, wishing for that reality to be mine.

Instead it's a merry-go-round of fathers

An old carnival ride that's over before it started.